L.G:Use Precise verbs and adjectives
S.O.S:-Adjectives
-Adverbs/Verbs
BROKEN LEG
One Night little me, the Millers and my cousin were going down my driveway onto the street, with my families bikes. “Hey Zeta do want to come on the bike with me,” asked Brooke politely. “Yep!” I yelled from my little bike, because I was only 3 years old.
So I walked over with my tiny little feet and jumped onto the massive bike. Then I got my tiny feet and put them on the wheel. “Here we go!” shouted Brooke…
“AAAHHHH!” I screamed, my foot slipped and got stuck in between the round wheel and the spiky things inside the wheel. My parents must have heard me scream, so they came running down the driveway “What happened!” called my mum nervously. “My foot’s stuck in the wheel,” I cried “Get it out.” So my dad bent the spikey things in the wheel, got my foot out. Then my parents hopped in the car with me and rushed me to Hospital!
Then the doctor came out and splattered out “Zeta you broke the growth plate in your ankle. The doctors put a cast on my leg so it was about knee height and we went back home. 1 month later I learnt how to ride a bike with a broken leg and a cast on. But my sister Lydia was very happy because I wrecked er wheel in her bike!!
THE END
1. punctuation
ReplyDelete2. humour
n.s after full stop NO BUTS
OTHERWISE YOU DID ........... AMAZING
punc
ReplyDeletehumour
little bit more detail
great story ZETA
ReplyDeletevery good direct speech
very good said is dead
next step is to re-read to make sense