Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Wilkies pools

Wilkies pools.
L.G: Moment in time.
I see all these people going down and having fun,so I think, “ Should I do it” The taste of fresh water is so good. My feet are going numb I can’t feel them.I start to climb the most rockest hill I have ever climbed. I have shivers down my spine, I’ve got butterflies in my tummy the rushing water makes it worst. I sit there thinking,“Will I die’’. While I go down everything rushes before my eyes. As I walk out I hear all these people cheering for me. My nose has unblocked and I can smell fresh air everywhere

8 comments:

  1. Positive: I like how you stayed in present tense
    Positive: Good description
    Next step: Make sure that your story makes sense

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good Job
    Positive: You Used Descriptive language
    Positive: You stayed in present tense
    Next Step: Next time try a hook in

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. 1.stayed in present tense
    2.punctuation
    3.try make more sense otherwise you did amazing:)

    ReplyDelete
  5. interseting

    present tense

    edit

    ReplyDelete
  6. interseting

    present tense

    edit
    edit

    ReplyDelete
  7. good detail
    great hook in
    re read
    From mckenna

    ReplyDelete
  8. great describing
    present tense
    spelling

    ReplyDelete