Wilkies pools.
L.G: Moment in time.
I see all these people going down and having fun,so I think, “ Should I do it” The taste of fresh water is so good. My feet are going numb I can’t feel them.I start to climb the most rockest hill I have ever climbed. I have shivers down my spine, I’ve got butterflies in my tummy the rushing water makes it worst. I sit there thinking,“Will I die’’. While I go down everything rushes before my eyes. As I walk out I hear all these people cheering for me. My nose has unblocked and I can smell fresh air everywhere
Positive: I like how you stayed in present tense
ReplyDeletePositive: Good description
Next step: Make sure that your story makes sense
Good Job
ReplyDeletePositive: You Used Descriptive language
Positive: You stayed in present tense
Next Step: Next time try a hook in
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ReplyDelete1.stayed in present tense
ReplyDelete2.punctuation
3.try make more sense otherwise you did amazing:)
interseting
ReplyDeletepresent tense
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interseting
ReplyDeletepresent tense
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edit
good detail
ReplyDeletegreat hook in
re read
From mckenna
great describing
ReplyDeletepresent tense
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