Wednesday, March 8, 2017

walkies pools

WALKIESPOOLS

Mr D is calling out my name!I am so nervous. I feel the water ,it is FRIZZING!I am slowly walking down into the clear water. My legs shake with fear.My face crunches into a ball.My mouth opens as I let out a silent scream.I get out with my legs purple from the cold water. I run to get my towel. This is the coldest day of my life.


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7 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 13, 2017 at 3:48 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMarch 13, 2017 at 4:29 PM

    Nice job

    I like how you stayed in present tense

    I like how you described the cold water

    Next time check your spelling

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMarch 15, 2017 at 1:28 PM

    you stayed in present tense

    it was detailed

    editing

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMarch 15, 2017 at 1:49 PM

    I like how you stayed in present tense
    I like how you described your senses really well
    next time check your spelling and do some editing

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMarch 21, 2017 at 2:30 PM

    you stayed in present tense
    great describing
    spelling and editing

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousMay 2, 2017 at 3:28 PM

    1. you stayed in present tense
    2. good describing
    3. a bit more otherwise awesome:)
    Lani

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousMay 2, 2017 at 3:30 PM

    Good punction
    Amazing detail
    NS: Editing
    Awesome writing Amy

    ReplyDelete

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